Awe and Wonder

We live in a culture and world that is desensitized to majesty. True majesty. We worship things that are a lot of times not worthy of our worship. Careers. People. Sports. Money. In turn, we miss out on the reality of worshiping and adoring God. He is the one who is most majestic. If we ever hope to be the people that God wants us to be, we must return to those who awe and wonder at the glorious and infinite nature of our Creator God.

When I was saved seven years ago, I was in a really dark place, so dark that I didn’t know if I’d ever come out. I needed somebody to come get me. Someone did. Jesus. He pursued me, and rescued me from the darkness that encircled my life. In turn, I worshiped. I adored. I surrendered.

When I surrendered, it was just me and God, January 6th. Me and God on a half made bed in an empty room. I didn’t know how to tell anyone what had happened, or even if they would believe me if I did. I had been the boy who had claimed Christianity and been baptized too many times. This time was actually real though.

In the silence, in the stillness of my bed room, I would meet with God every morning. I would open His Word and be amazed by what I was reading. I had been in church most of my life, but this was the first time I was really coming face to face with the Almighty God.

He was speaking to me. Everyday. Breaking misconceptions and lies that I had had been told and believed about Him.

I had life. For the first time really ever. I mean I was physically alive and breathing, but for the longest time, I had been seeing in black and white spiritually. Now the world was in color. It was alive. There was hope and excitement and joy and I was just on this journey with God.

I remember going to church on Sundays, and every time on my way there it was like walking past my past. Seeing the darkness of my past, but then heading towards the light. I would head into church and just worship.

After being numbed to life for so long, I finally felt everything. I would be on my face in the back of the church service just weeping and thanking God for saving a wretch like me. I felt totally unworthy.

I remember going to work, and instead of going there for myself, I went there for others, and I expected God to work. I went in there expecting him to do great things, and He did.

I remember He showed up wherever I went in just crazy ways. Providing things that I didn’t have to give. Words that weren’t mine, and understandings that were far beyond my years.

I remember just wanting constantly to worship. Like wherever I was, whether it be in a car, or a conversation, I just remember wanting to worship. I would go out into nature with my camera, iPod, and sometimes Bible and just take pictures and just reflect on who God was.

I would just go catch sunrises and sunsets because these things became so real to me. They were a real depiction of the Glorious Nature of my Father God. I remember just going even earlier than the sun was up, and just sitting with God in the darkness, and just praying and listening to music.

Now I say all this, not to be arrogant or boastful, but to remember the time when I had awe and wonder in God. I struggle with that now. I struggle to be awed by God because I’m used to God. He’s no longer this new being that I’m just now getting to know.

I struggle to wonder now because I am desensitized to the glory and majesty of Christ. I’m busy now. I’m distracted now. I’ve put my confidence in other things now.

I say this all with regret because I truly miss what I had with Jesus. I have found that whatever I hope in outside of Jesus falls short. That nothing fills me with the awe and wonder that He once did.

I want to get back. Back to my first love. Back to the place where I awed and wondered in Christ. Where every day I would wake up, and it would be a new day, a new day to worship Christ, and make Him known. I want to get back to the place where I not only knew that I needed Jesus, but also wanted to be around Him, and it was a joy, and a pleasure to speak with Him, to hear from Him, to sit with Him.

I want to get back to hanging on every word of His, and obeying it immediately, and without question. I want to return to worshiping Him for He is worthy of all our worship. I want to be awed by a sunrise, and blown away by a sunset. I want to expect God to show up wherever I am once more. I want to dare to dream that what God has planned for me is far greater than what I have for myself.

This is what I desire. That God would break down the hardness and desensitization of my heart, and that once more I would see everything outside of Him as less than. That I would strive to once more be the one who communes with God, and the one who loves God wholeheartedly, not complacent, or indifferent to His callings.

I want to once have awe and wonder in the One who has given me all things in Christ. He alone is worthy of the title of Majesty.

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