This morning, I received my financial aid letter from North Greenville. I was excited but also a little worried. Before I opened the letter, I prayed for me to trust God no matter what the results, no matter how much money I received. I opened the letter and the results were very underwhelming. I had barely received any money and the amount I would have to pay was a lot. It was really hard. I mean, really really hard.
Before I knew Christ, when things went wrong, I would get angry and lash out. Now when I am confused or troubled I go to the Lord in prayer. I went to my room and began to pray and seek the Lord and began to read scripture on trusting.
I don’t know what you are doing here but I trust You. I trust You completely because I know that You are in control of my life and you have plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. This is the biggest test yet. I have trusted You all the way up til now, help me to keep trusting, even though its hard to understand. If this is a spiritual attack and an attempt to make me doubt Your goodness, protect me. If this is a test help me to trust you through it and come out stronger than before. If this is You telling me to go another direction, help me to lay down my desires to pursue your perfect plan for me. I love North Greenville and the people there but if You have different plans for me, I lay these plans down. I surrender over and over my life to You Jesus, knowing that You know what is best. Looking at this from a test perspective, it looks like too much for me to handle, but You are the only true One that knows what I can handle and what I can not. Jesus, You have made me a warrior and if this process, like most processes in my life, is going to be harder than I thought, prepare me for the long days I will have to wait. Prepare me for the time to be devoted to this process and all the thoughts of doubts that will be thrown at me time and time again. Jesus, I believe You have prepared me for this moment. I thought that getting the strongest mentally, physically, and spiritually was for the fall, but perhaps not. Perhaps You are using the training and the verses written on the core of my heart to battle now, to trust completely and walk even though I can’t see what is on the other side. Jesus thank you for what you have done and what you are doing, even if this does not include North Greenville.