Waiting, Trusting, Receiving

Tapping my fingers against my head, I nervously clicked through the internet, making it to my school’s website. I went to my class list and clicked on Prob and Stats, and on the grades. Loading, loading, loading. Empty was the final exam grade slot. Just a week after busting up my hand over a mistaken math grade, I waited nervously at my computer for my final exam grade. Hour after hour I’d rush to my computer, to find the grade slot still empty. The more nervous I got, the more anxious I became.

I can’t stand waiting, especially for a grade that I really needed. Coming into the final I needed at least a 75 to make a B in the class. I had made around that grade all semester, but this was the final exam, and this was a whole different ball game. My hand shook as I took my test, even though I had put in countless hours of studying the weekend before. That morning as I woke up I released my tests into the Lord’s hands, and trusted Him completely that whatever happened was part of His plan, that no matter what He was holding my hand and bringing me through these tests.

Tonight as I was at St. Andrews for Wednesday night worship, again I released my test grade into His hands, and worshiped Him for His sovereignty. I prayed for God’s presence to just burn inside of me for all to see, that everyone that I came into contact with would see His power in my life. That they would see His love in my life. As I arrived home, I went to the computer once again, and yet again still empty. I was starting to get agitated but I remembered how God has carried me the last year, through trial and adversity He had carried me. So I trusted and I waited still.

After working on a presentation for English, I went one more time to the computer, to the class website. Loading, loading, loading. My heart pounded faster and faster, finally relief. It was there, it was what I needed, better. I had made an 82 on my final math test! I cried out in disbelief. “I made a 82, I got my B!” I shouted over and over, jumping high in the air. All my waiting, and trusting, finally resulted in receiving. I had made the grade I needed, and it was only my second B ever in Math, the other being a B in my high school prob and stats class.

Earlier in the semester I wanted to give up. I was down, I was tired, I was wounded, but God never saw me as out. And for the last month I’ve leaned on the verse, woke up everyday to the verse, James 1:2. “Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” And wow have I produced endurance. I woke up every Tuesday and Thursday at 6 am and then had school to 2:40 pm. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I got up at 8 am and usually did work til 4. I had to give up a lot of fun things and a lot of good things to persevere through school. But God brought me through and the impossible has become possible.

Praise the Father, for He is in control of my life. He knows everything about me and He brings me encouragement throughout everyday. I doubted Him, but He never doubted Himself. He knew where He was taking me even if I didn’t. He knew that the tests I faced this semester would bring strength and trust even more to my relationship with Him. I sat with my hands on my head halfway through the semester with a failing grade in Biology, even though I had attended every class, and taken in everything. I didn’t understand, I was confused, I was angry. My dad though spoke wisdom into my life through that time though. “God will use this in years down the road when you’re in a job that you don’t think you can do, and you will look back to this year and remember God’s sovereignty,” He said. And he was right on the mark. God was growing me this semester not only through trials and adversity, but through the constant reading and holding on to Him with all I had.

The test couldn’t have come at a better time, on the eve of my 11 month anniversary of surrendering my life to Christ. I am reminded constantly of His sovereignty and love, that he has brought me through and continues to carry me through my doubts and failures. And as I go into a more important time of waiting as I begin to visit schools and apply to schools for next year, to go for to get my ministry degree, I ask for wisdom from God. And I know He will continue to bring me through life, as I continue waiting, trusting, and receiving.

Have a blessed night,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s